Teleshopping. 0900 0600 Charlie and Kate Battle Over a Patient A long-standing rivalry over who's a better therapist leads to war when Kate steals Patrick, one of Charlie's group patients. Charlie Sheen stars. 0930 0900 My First Kill J.D. is shocked to hear Dr. Cox tell his interns that eventually they will make a mistake and kill a patient. Carla decides to clean their stuffed dog Rowdy - and somehow loses him! 1000 0930 Mr. Bean Goes to Town: Bean has his brand-spanking-new camera stolen but all is not lost. When Bean takes his girlfriend to a magic show and disco it's not long before the night isn't going his way. 1030 1000 Mike's Not Ready Exclusive to Comedy Central. After a successful date, Molly invites Mike into her home, but to her surprise, he turns her down. 1100 1030 The Toaster Ray is offended by his parents' lack of interest in the Christmas gift he gave to them. 1130 1100 Ping Pong When Ray challenges Frank to a game of ping-pong it becomes a war of attrition. 1200 1130 Roe To Perdition A desperate need for fine caviar draws Frasier and Niles into the illicit world of the Russian Mafia. Will these two stop at nothing to get their beloved delicacy? 1230 1200 Some Assembly Required Frasier helps the KACL team build a house for charity. But typical Frasier takes things a stage further and tries to give residents advice on how to decorate it. 1300 1230 Frigid Heirs When Arthur wins $2500 at bingo, Doug and Carrie, being short on cash, are forced to ask him for money. But trouble comes when Arthur wants to decide how the money is spent. 1330 1300 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab Evelyn jealously demands some quality time with Jake. Alan and Charlie aren't too keen on the idea at first but maybe they should be more concerned for Evelyn... 1400 1330 Mike's Not Ready Exclusive to Comedy Central. After a successful date, Molly invites Mike into her home, but to her surprise, he turns her down. 1430 1400 Charlie and Kate Battle Over a Patient A long-standing rivalry over who's a better therapist leads to war when Kate steals Patrick, one of Charlie's group patients. Charlie Sheen stars. 1500 1430 Roe To Perdition A desperate need for fine caviar draws Frasier and Niles into the illicit world of the Russian Mafia. Will these two stop at nothing to get their beloved delicacy? 1530 1500 Some Assembly Required Frasier helps the KACL team build a house for charity. But typical Frasier takes things a stage further and tries to give residents advice on how to decorate it. 1600 1530 Damned Yanky When Carrie visits Doug in the hospital after getting his appendix removed, she hears him talking about other women in his sleep and starts to get jealous of his fantasies. 1630 1600 Multiple Plots Arthur tries to sell his extra funeral plot, Carrie takes up dog walking to earn some extra money, and Doug makes an interesting new friend on his new delivery route. 1700 1630 The Toaster Ray is offended by his parents' lack of interest in the Christmas gift he gave to them. 1730 1700 My Last Chance J.D. and Molly (Heather Graham) are just about to get it on, but J.D. must first get the okay from Elliot - will she agree? Dr. Cox has to complete community service in an ambulance. 1800 1730 My Ocardial Infarction J.D. tries to pawn off Elliot as his 'sidekick' but is shocked to find that she's the better doctor. Meanwhile, the Janitor gathers up the 'Brain Trust' to upstage Ted's band. 1830 1800 Mr. Bean Goes to Town: Bean has his brand-spanking-new camera stolen but all is not lost. When Bean takes his girlfriend to a magic show and disco it's not long before the night isn't going his way. 1900 1830 Heroes Hawkeye is the golden boy of the world press when he treats a celebrity prizefighter, 'Gentleman' Joe Cavanaugh, who has a stroke at the 4077th. 1930 1900 Sons And Bowlers Hawkeye worries for his father's health as his cohorts engage the Marines in a bowling tournament. Unfortunately, the savy marines have brought in a 'ringer'... 2000 1930 Jon Stewart takes a satirical sideswipe at the latest news & current affairs. Tonight's guest is former NBA coach & author Phil Jackson, talking about his new book on success. 2030 2000 The Spit Covered Cobbler Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for Kandi's bills. Meanwhile, Judith is after her alimony cheque... Charlie to the rescue? 2100 2030 Butter's Bottom B***h Oblivious to his actions, the eternally innocent Butters starts up 'The Kissing Company', and is soon the most notorious pimp around. Will undercover cops ruin his fun? 2130 2100 The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs Butters gets the blame, and then the glory, after the boys write a book intended to be gratuitously rude but which is hailed as a masterpiece. Murder is the answer! 2200 2130 City Sushi When Butters gets caught up in an Asian turf war his parents discover he has multiple personalities and decide medication is the only answer - but what is Butters' therapist hiding? 2230 2200 The Last of the Meheecans When a game of 'border patrol' goes wrong Butters ends up reigniting Mexican pride, but Cartman isn't prepared to let the game end there. 2300 2230 Brand new and exclusive. Jon Stewart, and his team, take a satirical sideswipe at the latest news & current affairs. Tonight's guest is Mr Stewart's arch-nemesis - political commentator Bill O'Reilly! 2330 2300 Brand new and exclusive. Comedian Daniel Tosh takes on everything the Internet has to offer. Tonight a couple get frisky in a meadow and there's a new play on an old game - 'Rock, Paper, Balls'. 0000 2330 Brand new and exclusive. Actress and comedian Kathy Griffin hosts her very own chat show. Tonight's guests are Chris Colfer (from Glee) and former wild-child Kelly Osbourne. 0100 0000 Casual Friday Michael is caught in the middle when the sales team wants their old clients back, and "Casual Friday" becomes a problem when members of the office dress inappropriately. 0130 0100 No Ifs, Ands or Butts Carrie tries to quit smoking for the sake of her new boyfriend Aiden, while Charlotte gives her new beau some much needed lessons in locking lips. 0210 0130 Are We Sl**s? Carrie's seductive moves are falling by the wayside as Aiden wants to take it slow. Charlotte's disturbed by her new man's bedroom talk and Miranda contracts an STD. 0245 0210 ...Comedy Central: From the Montreal comedy festival, tonight's show features: John Maloney, Harland Williams and Norm McDonald. 0315 0245 Phill Jupitus discovers what goes on behind the scenes in the life of one of Britain's best loved comedians, Lee Evans. 0420 0315 Heroes Hawkeye is the golden boy of the world press when he treats a celebrity prizefighter, 'Gentleman' Joe Cavanaugh, who has a stroke at the 4077th. 0445 0420 Sons And Bowlers Hawkeye worries for his father's health as his cohorts engage the Marines in a bowling tournament. Unfortunately, the savy marines have brought in a 'ringer'... 0510 0445 Sight Gag Doug is sure he's found the perfect birthday gift for Carrie, but learns that you really shouldn't go for the discount offer when it comes to corrective laser eye surgery. 0535 0510 Mean Streak Doug tries to beat a record at work, but the older members of the IPS depot aren't too happy that Doug is going to break the record held by their friend. 0600 0535 Teleshopping. 0900 0600