This week's UK TV & radio

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Listings for Paramount on Wednesday, May 22 2013

06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
08:00Two And A Half Men The Squat and The Hover Walden goes a little off the rails when he's served with divorce papers. Will trying to pick up lesbians with Alan really help? Jane Lynch guest-stars. 
08:30Two And A Half Men Those Fancy Japanese Toilets Alan gets rather excited when Charlie's secret safety deposit box is discovered, but what's inside? Walden decides the beach house is in need of a new look. 
09:00Two And A Half Men Thank You For The Intercourse The death of Charlie starts to hit Alan a lot harder but he soon discovers a way through it with the help of a familiar alter-ego... Ashton Kutcher stars. 
09:30Friends The One With The Blackout When New York has a blackout, the gang return to the girls' apartment, where Ross tries to tell Rachel he likes her. 
10:00Friends The One Where Nana Dies Twice Monica and Ross mourn the death of their grandmother. Meanwhile, Chandler questions his sexuality after his work colleagues set him up on a date with a man. 
10:30Friends The One Where Underdog Gets Away Monica's first Thanksgiving dinner for the gang burns, when they all run to the rooftop to see the runaway Underdog balloon from the parade. 
11:00Two And A Half Men A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of no longer having to pay alimony, but Jake's dislike of Herb could throw a spanner in the works. Charlie Sheen stars. 
11:30Two And A Half Men Apologies for the Frivolity Charlie cannot see what everyone else can - that his new sharp-tongued, real estate agent girlfriend is exactly like his mother. What will happen when the two meet? 
12:00New Whitney Mad Women Brand new and exclusive. Whitney tries to tempt Alex by using a bust-enhancing bra, Roxanne calls it quits with Lance, and Lily & Neal discuss a pre-nup - trouble in paradise? 
12:30Friends The One With The Blackout When New York has a blackout, the gang return to the girls' apartment, where Ross tries to tell Rachel he likes her. 
13:00Friends The One Where Nana Dies Twice Monica and Ross mourn the death of their grandmother. Meanwhile, Chandler questions his sexuality after his work colleagues set him up on a date with a man. 
13:30Friends The One Where Underdog Gets Away Monica's first Thanksgiving dinner for the gang burns, when they all run to the rooftop to see the runaway Underdog balloon from the parade. 
14:00Two And A Half Men My Tongue Is Meat When Mia and Charlie's lifestyles clash, Charlie must figure out if he is really in love with her. Might be best to do that before a nice romantic meal... 
14:30Two And A Half Men Ergo, the Booty Call Alan avoids taking his 22-year-old girlfriend, Kandi, to Jake's birthday, afraid of what Evelyn will make of her. Rose tries to get her new boyfriend to act more like Charlie. 
15:00New Whitney Mad Women Brand new and exclusive. Whitney tries to tempt Alex by using a bust-enhancing bra, Roxanne calls it quits with Lance, and Lily & Neal discuss a pre-nup - trouble in paradise? 
15:30Two And A Half Men A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of no longer having to pay alimony, but Jake's dislike of Herb could throw a spanner in the works. Charlie Sheen stars. 
16:00Two And A Half Men Apologies for the Frivolity Charlie cannot see what everyone else can - that his new sharp-tongued, real estate agent girlfriend is exactly like his mother. What will happen when the two meet? 
16:30Friends The One Where Emma Cries When Joey attempts to gain Ross' forgiveness for mistakenly asking Rachel to marry him, they end up in the emergency room. 
17:00Friends The One With the Pediatrician Phoebe and Joey decide to set each other up on blind dates but Joey forgets, and finds a complete stranger named Mike (Paul Rudd) to be Phoebe's date. 
17:30Friends The One With the Sharks Monica thinks Chandler is aroused by shark documentaries. Meanwhile, Joey thinks he's already slept with the girl he's dating. 
18:00Two And A Half Men The Squat and The Hover Walden goes a little off the rails when he's served with divorce papers. Will trying to pick up lesbians with Alan really help? Jane Lynch guest-stars. 
18:30Two And A Half Men Those Fancy Japanese Toilets Alan gets rather excited when Charlie's secret safety deposit box is discovered, but what's inside? Walden decides the beach house is in need of a new look. 
19:00Two And A Half Men Thank You For The Intercourse The death of Charlie starts to hit Alan a lot harder but he soon discovers a way through it with the help of a familiar alter-ego... Ashton Kutcher stars. 
19:30Friends The One Where Emma Cries When Joey attempts to gain Ross' forgiveness for mistakenly asking Rachel to marry him, they end up in the emergency room. 
20:00Friends The One With the Pediatrician Phoebe and Joey decide to set each other up on blind dates but Joey forgets, and finds a complete stranger named Mike (Paul Rudd) to be Phoebe's date. 
20:30Friends The One With the Sharks Monica thinks Chandler is aroused by shark documentaries. Meanwhile, Joey thinks he's already slept with the girl he's dating. 
21:00New Anger Management Charlie and Kate's Dirty Pictures Brand new and exclusive. Charlie manages to persuade Kate to take Nolan on as her PA, but Nolan discovers more than Charlie would like to know. Charlie Sheen stars. 
21:30New Two And A Half Men Cows, Prepare To Be Tipped Brand new & exclusive. Walden meets a hot twenty-three year-old, but it's her grandmother that intrigues him. Jake pays Alan a visit and has some big news. Season finale. 
22:00Michael McIntyre Live & Laughing 'Live & Laughing' is the mesmerising first show of McIntyre's sell out run at the Apollo. His energy, charm and pinpoint observations leave the full house in raptures. 
23:20Two And A Half Men A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of no longer having to pay alimony, but Jake's dislike of Herb could throw a spanner in the works. Charlie Sheen stars. 
23:50Two And A Half Men Apologies for the Frivolity Charlie cannot see what everyone else can - that his new sharp-tongued, real estate agent girlfriend is exactly like his mother. What will happen when the two meet? 
00:20South Park Professor Chaos (1): Butters is sacked by the boys as their replacement best friend for Kenny - the hunt for a new friend is on! Out for revenge, Butters becomes a super-villain... Professor Chaos! 
00:50South Park Simpsons Already Did It (2): Professor Chaos gets more and more distraught as he realises all of his plans have already appeared on The Simpsons! Cartman gets very excited about growing Sea People. 
01:20Friends The One With The Blackout When New York has a blackout, the gang return to the girls' apartment, where Ross tries to tell Rachel he likes her. 
01:50Friends The One Where Nana Dies Twice Monica and Ross mourn the death of their grandmother. Meanwhile, Chandler questions his sexuality after his work colleagues set him up on a date with a man. 
02:20South Park Professor Chaos (1): Butters is sacked by the boys as their replacement best friend for Kenny - the hunt for a new friend is on! Out for revenge, Butters becomes a super-villain... Professor Chaos! 
02:50The King Of Queens Walk, Man Four months after the miscarriage, Doug and Carrie are thinking about having a child again. So in an effort to spend more time with Carrie, Doug hires Holly, a dog walker, to walk Arthur. 
03:20The King Of Queens Sight Gag Doug is sure he's found the perfect birthday gift for Carrie, but learns that you really shouldn't go for the discount offer when it comes to corrective laser eye surgery. 
03:45Frasier Whine Club Frasier and Niles uncork a bad case of sibling rivalry when they compete for a prestigious position in their wine club. Intelligent and outstanding comedy. 
04:10Everybody Loves Raymond Working Girl When Debra gets a part-time job in the big city, an unhappy Ray is left to fend for himself. 
04:35Everybody Loves Raymond Be Nice When Ray babysits for the kids at the park and Debra sees how sweet and helpful he is towards the other mothers, she demands to know why she does not receive the same treatment. 
05:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping.